I recently emailed a poll out to my subscribers to ask about why they’ve chosen to be right here right now, sharing a cozy moment with me in their email inbox.
From the responses I got, 40% of my subscribers identified with this statement the most: "I'm just trying to get the support and resources I need to balance work and life in a way that feels good!"
This shared sentiment got me thinking about work-life balance... which got me thinking about boundaries.
Because you can't have balance without also setting some healthy boundaries, right?
Now, I don't believe work-life balance is something you "achieve". It's not something you work towards for years and years, and then one day - BAM! - you're there. It's not like crossing a finish line. It's not some goal that you reach one time, and then you're done.
Work-life balance is like a pendulum: sometimes you're focusing more on work, sometimes you're focusing more on personal life, and it's an ongoing practice of learning from your most imbalanced moments so that you can learn to move towards center.
It's a matter of not swinging too far in one direction or the other, and then getting stuck there.
The good news is, every time you realize you've swung too far in one direction, it's an opportunity to practice not swinging so far in that direction the next time.
In other words, it's a matter of boundaries!
What's okay to spend X amount of time and energy on? What are you NOT okay with spending that amount of time and energy on? What is okay to say "yes" to, and what do you never want to say "yes" to again? What's okay to prioritize, and what should be put on the back burner?
That's all boundaries are: they're the limits you set around what's okay, and what's not. What you'll allow, and what you won't.
Lately, I've been setting 3 different types of boundaries, almost every single day. It's a practice.
Maybe these 3 ways of setting boundaries will resonate with you, too.
1. Reserve your most energized time of day for that which matters most.
I'm a morning person - always have been, always will be. Between 6:30am and 10:00am are the hours that I feel the most fresh, focused, motivated, and creative.
When possible, I reserve these hours for that which matters most. What matters most can change from week to week or even day to day, but right now, it's this: writing this letter to you.
I know that my energy and attention will be sucked into my day job for the remainder of the day, and that I'll likely be unable to devote quality productivity to anything else in the evening. So here I am, ensuring that the most fruitful time of day is spent on that which matters most: keeping my commitment to offer up useful and inspirational nuggets to the lovely folks who read this newsletter.
What's okay to prioritize during my most energized time of day: my commitment to you, my long-term goals, and my creativity.
What's not a priority during my most energized time of day: answering non-urgent emails or trying to solve non-urgent problems related to my day job.
2. Manage expectations with your coworkers.
Most - if not all - of the eyeballs on this letter belong to some of the most big-hearted humans on the planet.
You have a natural desire to help and support others. You just want people to be happy, and it does feel pretty good to have a hand in making someone's day just a little bit better.
I'm willing to bet that you're one of the people at work that your colleagues feel like they can truly count on. They know that you have your sh*t together, and that you're always open to helping them out. They trust that you'll follow-through on your assignments and can help manage challenges with grace.
But it can be shockingly easy to get swept up in being overly-helpful, overly responsive to coworkers' needs and requests, or picking up too much of their slack.
So this week, I've set these boundaries:
What's okay: offering hands-on support to coworkers only when I have the time to do so, and offering advice or suggestions when I don't. Being honest with my coworkers about when they should expect me to respond to their messages or requests, even if it's a few days later.
What's not okay: covering for a less productive coworker or taking on the tasks that were specifically assigned to them.
3. Move things off your plate, a.k.a. ask for help!
This is my favorite one because it requires saying "no" - which is a skill I've deliberately cultivated over the years, as a recovering people-pleaser. I'm quite proud of how far I've come in being more comfortable with saying no.
You see, just because you CAN handle a million things on your plate does not mean you SHOULD or HAVE TO!
Saying no to projects, assignments, or work requests doesn't mean that need can't be met by someone else.
Take a step back to make space for others to step up. Let them be the helpers, for once.
In addition to allowing others the opportunity to grow, there's some extra cool side effects to saying no: you get to rest, and your colleagues will trust you more!
Wait... what? Your coworkers can trust you MORE when you push back or say no?? Yep, you heard that right.
For heart-centered introverts like us, our M.O. is to give and help whenever and wherever we can. But saying no lets our colleagues know that they can trust us to be upfront about what we need.
In other words, saying no shows our colleagues that they can trust us to set our own professional boundaries - which makes it easier for them to work with us and for the whole team to function with more transparency and authenticity.
The best part is, it's never too late to say no.
You are 100% allowed to say "yes" to an added task at work, with the best of intentions, and then change your mind once you realize it might just be a tad too much. At that point, it's not too late to ask for help or re-delegate.
This shows that you can be trusted to manage your workload, even if that means moving something off your plate.
When it's okay to say yes: when the request energizes me and allows me to grow, or when I simply have the time and space to take on more.
When it's okay to say no: when I'm feeling overwhelmed, when I genuinely feel one of my other colleagues could do a better job than me (and a lot hangs on the task), or when I feel like I have a better idea than the one proposed to me.
So, does work-life balance exist?
Yes, it does… for moments at a time. The practice is to make those balanced moments more frequent or last a little longer every day, by honoring the boundaries you've set for yourself.
As you consider your schedule or priorities today, I invite you to ask yourself: what's okay? What's not okay? What will I allow? What will I not allow?
Trust what comes up.
Much love,
Diana